You have read in past blog posts about real love and how listening speaks value to another person. Today I am writing about living what we believe.
Recently I found myself in an intriguing conversation, or so I thought, with some people who know of Jesus but have chosen to live their lives contrary to Scripture. Questions were being asked at the speed of a machine gun. Each question contained an accusatory implication that somehow God was to blame. Questions conceived in pain.
How easy is it to feel obligated to answer every single question? How often do we feel that if we do not provide an answer to every question, we have failed basic training as a Christ follower?
Years ago, while my husband was pursuing his Minister’s License, spouses were required to be included in the interview. I clearly remember being asked to give the number of people I had led to Christ.
The answer I gave was not the answer they had hoped for.
I remember feeling that I failed. What kind of Christian am I if I am not leading crowds of people to Christ?
This kind of thinking serves only to produce “Agenda Anxiety”. Agenda Anxiety is where a person hijacks the conversation in order to fit in all points relating to a subject, regardless if the other person wants to or is ready to hear it.
This kind of thinking produces a need to win all arguments and to have all the answers about the subject at hand, leaving little to no room for the other person to speak. When it comes to Evangelism, Agenda Anxiety moves us into treating the conversation like the “ABCs” of sales for the Lord; Always Be Closing. When it comes to dealing with painful situations, Agenda Anxiety can be seen as a “drive-thru” fix. Both make it more about the agenda and less about the person.
In the end, we miss the opportunity to listen. To actively listen requires that we, for the moment, set aside our objections or desire to share all we know and allow the person to speak openly without fear of being challenged or shut down. It’s in the listening where we will recognize where the pain was born that led to the barrage of questions. It’s in the listening where we discern which questions need an answer versus the questions that the person asking needs to wrestle with a bit longer.
Going back to the conversation where the questions were coming at a machine gun’s pace, taking the time to listen uncovered what the individuals believe. We had gone in circles around other religions, the behavior of some people and unfortunate life circumstances. Each question eventually came back to how they thought of God, exposing the erosion of their heart from years of unresolved conflicts responsible for their pain.
Ever wonder why people hide in their pain? Ever notice the destructive decisions that are made because they are in such pain? Ever been frustrated with someone who cannot get past their pain?
While you may see a way past their pain, trying to talk them out of it will not make you the hero of their story.
For instance, a person who is hateful cannot be convinced of the benefits that come from love. This person will do their best to get you to agree with them. Agreement can be on a whole variety of people, topics or things. While it may be okay to disagree on whether or not masks should be made mandatory in schools, pay attention to the relationship-breaker…liking a person they do not.
The one who lives with hate believes that you must hate the same people. There is no such thing as neutral ground. There is no understanding that you can have a relationship with both. Hate does not allow for that. Pain demands you pick a side and when one is wrapped in the pain of hatred, the only answer is their answer.
What a tragic way to live, believing that everyone who disagrees with you needs to be punished with hate.
God wires every single one of us for love. When we love, really love, we are at our best. We are to give love, receive love, to all around us…including our enemies. Hate does not exempt us from loving our enemies, those who hurt us. On the contrary, as Christ followers we are called to a higher standard that is difficult but not impossible.
“Love your enemies. Pray for those who hurt you, let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. If all you do is love the lovable, what reward is there for that? If you are kind to only your friends, how are you different from anyone else?”
Matthew 5:43-48 NCV, MSG, NIV
Next time you are experiencing a hard time with another person, choose to see the opportunity to learn to love your enemy instead of a personal attack that needs to be defended and watch. Watch how your haters change how they treat you. Watch the condition of your heart transform you more and more into the person God has designed you to be.
Yes, love comes through actions, whether they are friend or foe, put aside all agenda anxieties and love by listening.
