What’s done is done. There is no going back. Cannot turn back the clock. Would anything change if I could?
The “F” word was used…used often. That word came up each time they would talk to me or about me. That “F” word began to shape my thoughts toward them and soon enough I believed I was part of the “Family”.
We enjoyed being around each other. An element of safety was felt as trust began to build. Before I knew it their interest in what I was doing increased. Questions were asked. Recommendations were made. The artistic pieces I created with Holy Spirit were meant to provide a place for others to find healing, to learn and to multiply. These pieces were received favorably by members of this “Family”.
To me, it was acceptance. Finally, I had a place…I belonged to something good, something healthy, something Godly and I began to thank God for providing this “Family”.
Accepted, cared for, celebrated became less awkward to receive. Soon I was generous in reciprocating the same sentiments and added gifts of hot beverages each time we met. It was completely opposite to what I had experienced in the past. Life was good. It felt very much like a dream and I was living it. Living my dream.
Until one day the rain of favor dried up and the landscape turned from luscious green to hay brown. Hard times hit, hit hard. Instead of rationing the “Family” resources or making necessary withdrawals from the “desert-day” funds, they decided to send me away saying I was an extra mouth to feed, a burden to their portion.
Orphaned in a heartbeat. The door shut and I was left with only the clothes on my back. All of the art pieces I poured my heart and soul into, the ones they took interest in, were no longer mine. They kept it all…even cut my face out of the “Family” portrait sending a clear message that I am now dead to them.
When a person dies, an autopsy is performed to either confirm or determine the cause of death. The discoveries found from the autopsy may be wisdom for those surviving family members to implement strategic and specific changes in order to avoid a similar fate.
As death has more than one form and you will experience many of its forms, have you ever considered performing an autopsy? Can be one for your broken heart? Divorce? Loss of a job? Death of relationships? Death of a dream?
Lessons Learned
What does this sort of autopsy look like?
This is essentially what we are doing when we take our thoughts captive and present them to Jesus. While it may look different for each individual, there is one important ingredient.
First and foremost, for such an autopsy to prove successful, one must begin with honesty…brutal…raw…honesty. You must be willing to not only ask God the tough questions but to also be willing to hear His answer.
Being honest requires taking a step back. When we take a step back, we can look at our thoughts from an objective angle – an observer’s point of view.
Why is it important, crucial even, to see the circumstance you are in from an outside point of view? Consider the story of “How to Boil a Frog”. A metaphor that brilliantly demonstrates the importance of being aware of the changes to our environment because those changes are not obvious to us while we are IN it.
But remove yourself from the situation and/or environment and it is fascinating how obvious those changes are seen.
Going back to the “Family” story, the autopsy revealed a gradual decline in values. Values that were once held in high honor were overshadowed by greed. Much like the encounter Jesus had with the rich young ruler. The young ruler thought that because he kept the 10 commandments, he was guaranteed eternal life. In his pot of water, he saw himself as worthy of God’s Kingdom because of his good deeds. He failed to recognize that his love for money surpassed any kind of love for God or others. Values God holds in the highest regard.
When Jesus answered the question, He exposed the heart of the young ruler for he went away sad because Jesus had instructed him to do that one thing he could not bring himself to do. “go, sell your possessions and give to the poor and you will have treasure in Heaven. Then come, follow me,”
Like the rich young ruler, the “Family” could not bear the thought of doing something with the money for anything beyond themselves. They went from cultivating the value of generosity to hoarding wealth.
Doing an autopsy is never pleasant for it is not meant to be. But I promise you it will be revealing thus making it worth it by providing the wisdom you need to heal, to forgive, to learn and to move on.
May God the Father grant you the boldness to ask the tough questions, the willingness to hear His response and the commitment to affect change before the pot of water erodes the values you hold fast to.
