Let’s talk about grief. Grief covers such a vast range of experiences and emotions. I have been very fortunate in my life to have not experienced many times of grieving. Two experiences stand out, the death of my grandpa and my daughters life changing diagnosis.
Recently I experienced a different form of grief. It was grief over the place that our world and society have come to. Now, I realize that many people have already gone through a form of grieving in the last 7 months, while others are currently going through it. Then there are those, like me, who are just being hit with it now.
It really came out of nowhere. Totally unexpected. After school one day, my 8-year old announced “We aren’t allowed to help each other in class anymore.” Immediately I thought he was talking about giving other students the answers to school work, which I thought was completely reasonable! Surprisingly, that was not at all what he was talking about. The reality of the situation shocked me to my core.
“My friend accidentally knocked something off his desk as I was walking past it. I reached down to help him pick it up and remembered that we’re not supposed to touch other people’s things. So I just kept walking. Our teacher told us that we’re not supposed to help each other pick things up.”
I was immediately overwhelmed with a heavy sadness. With all of the changes in rules, bylaws, and guidelines that have been taking over our day to day lives, it wasn’t wearing a mask, it wasn’t the constant hand sanitizing, it wasn’t even the city-wide shutdown and isolation. It was this statement that broke me,
“We aren’t allowed to help each other anymore.”
How did we get here? How have we, as a society, come to a place where it is more important to avoid the minimal risk of the transfer of germs than to show human kindness to those around us?
I wrestled with this. I grieved over the realization that basic human kindness has been mandated to be moved down the list of society’s priorities.
So…I took some time. I took some time to lament over what my son had said and the world we are currently in.
I use the word “lament” intentionally. A year ago I would not have. Lament, to me, was a word that was used in the Bible but I never fully understood. To me, it was a word that was synonymous with whining or complaining until one day a pastor in my church gave me a much clearer understanding of what it means to lament. He said that unlike complaining (which is just airing our grievances), lamenting is airing our grievances AND THEN inviting God into them.
What a difference!
It’s the difference between venting to a friend so that they know all of the complaints you have in life and venting to a friend because you want their trusted advice.
So that’s what I did. I lamented. I told my Father God how upset I was, how worried I was, how confused I was, and how ANGRY I was. Then I asked him for advice. I asked him to replace those feelings with His thoughts and feelings. For that, I went to His word.
As I spent time soaking in the scripture, God reminded me of dozens of scriptures that He has given us for moments such as these. Scriptures like:
1 Peter 5:7, “Cast all your anxieties on Him because He cares for you.”
Or
Philippians 4:6-7, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
And finally,
I know what some of you are thinking, easier said than done, right? Don’t be anxious, don’t worry, give Him your anxieties…but how???
Well…that’s why he included Philippians 4:8. He gave us the “how” in that verse – “…if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things.”
There’s the “how”!
I can’t control the world around me. I can’t control what other people do or say. I can’t control government decisions. I can’t control germs and sickness. I can’t control the media. But I CAN control my thoughts. And the Lord was telling me that that is all I NEED to be in control of to live a life where my anxiety and worry and sadness can be replaced with peace.
All I need to do to move from my feelings of sadness and grief into “the peace of God” is think about anything that is “excellent or praiseworthy”.
Be intentional with my thoughts. As I spent a few minutes thinking about this revelation I realized just how much power I had been giving my thoughts. My life was being affected in all kinds of ways, and not necessarily in positive ways. Sure, there were some areas where I had positive thought patterns but there were a whole lot of areas where I constantly allowed negative thoughts to take up space in my head and outwardly affect my attitude and actions.
Yikes! I have to say, it was a bit of a wake-up call! A decision was made right then and there. I was going to be far more intentional about creating new habits in my thought life. It doesn’t feel good to worry, to feel frustrated, to be angry, to be sad, to be anxious. It’s exhausting!
So today a new chapter begins. I know that it’s not going to happen immediately. I know that it’s going to require real effort. I know that some days I’m going to be more successful than others. But as I navigate the anxious, sad, and worrisome days, I will remind myself to focus my thoughts on Him, on the things that are “excellent or praiseworthy”. In doing that, I can move through my grief and rest in the peace that passes all understanding.
Marci Muncey
